i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why is there bacon in the couch?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
