Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have post one night stand depression
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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