I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
