just tell him i said nine months
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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