she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
