I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
