i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
