Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize