We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
