look no pants
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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