So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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