So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
is it fun? or sober?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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