is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize