I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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