Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
