I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
