my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
