Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
