I wish you could order shots online.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize