I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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