I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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