she woke up with a sticky ear
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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