Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
