I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
