Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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