So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You can't motorboat a personality
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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