You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
