If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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