She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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