New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
