who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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