i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
