i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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