Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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