just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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