Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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