Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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