Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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