Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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