Swine flu. Run for my life!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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