Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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