Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
