Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
