I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I believe in your delicious
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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