I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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