birth control should be required to get into college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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