I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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