If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
