I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
