Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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