Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
