we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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