We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
