What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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