First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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