brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
