I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
