There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
