addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
