News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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