I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
