So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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