i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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