Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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