I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
