I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
