I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize