Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
