I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
