I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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