there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
