So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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