Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
