so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
