Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She's the barista slut.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
