We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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