The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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