i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
