I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
