im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
