Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my being single is dangerous.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize