I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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