Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
