Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
