ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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