apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize