I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
