he wants to bone in the snuggie
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
